Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
