I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
