I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
