Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
