found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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