it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
