the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Randomize
