woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
