Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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