Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
