My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
