it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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