Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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