I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
