Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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