So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
