I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
