Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My vagina is officially offended.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
