i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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