how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
