I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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