I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
