Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
