so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
