Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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