I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You're a waste of cheezeits
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
