last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
