Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
