The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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