There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
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