we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
grandma shit on top of the toilet
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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