Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
