uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
