He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
