Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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