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chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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