Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
