i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Even my vagina gasped.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
