Got a toothbrush?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
