Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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