There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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