3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
