her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
