Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
