We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Randomize
