Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
