Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
