Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
My vagina just recognized that song.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
