like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
