I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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