so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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