I'd wear matching sweaters with you
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
