I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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