so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
