I accidentally burped into my bong.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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