I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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