the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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